In my last post I revealed how the no contact rule is hard to do and why I was struggling to implement it, but what I can say is that yes, the no contact rule works.
I am in day 2 of no contact and already he’s going a little crazy, I would love to be a fly on the wall to watch how his face contorts into anger and confusion as to why I am not replying to his demands.
“A man who loves others based solely on how they make him feel, or what they do for him, is really not loving others at all—but loving only himself.” —Criss Jami
Narcissists hate to be ignored, their heightened sense of importance makes it difficult for them to comprehend why anyone, let alone the woman he has made besotted with him, is ignoring him.
Why the no contact
I researched the no contact rule extensively as I was beyond desperate.
The no contact rule means no communication between you and your ex, at all.
- No phone calls – ignore him if he rings you
- No “accidentally” seeing him
- No instant messages – so no
snapchatand definitely no facebook messages
- No text messaging of any kind – no replying to his texts
- No asking a mutual friend to give him a message
- No “targeted” status updates or social media posts directed at him
No communication means NO communication.
The no contact rule is hard to do, its killing me.
But its working and its driving him crazy.
It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and torn into pieces when I ended my relationship with my narcissist, who I was head over heels in love with.
I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, I could barely function without him.
I missed him like crazy and I was actually being driven crazy
Sending him long drawn out texts, declaring my love for him and pointing out his mistakes in the hope that he would see sense and realise how much he loved me and would want to change his ways.
He just laughed at me or ignored me.
Actually sending me a text that read ” Your crazy, its all in your head”
It was not all in my head at all.
I had to let him go.
I had found myself in a toxic relationship with a narcissist.
The love-bombing period was over, I was being punished for questioning his lies and his verbal abuse.
He was sending me crazy, questioning myself all the time. Now I am ignoring him,
The position of power has changed.
I also feel so much calmer and less emotional now I am not checking my phone every two seconds.
Talking to him or even having a text conversation emotionally drained me.
So although I was sceptical, yes, the no contact rule works.
Narcissists can only love one person, themselves
Its been a bitter pill to swallow, he was the man of my dreams, I thought I had finally found my happy ending.
He was everything I wanted and needed in a man at the beginning, but slowly the cracks started to show.
He became controlling and I felt my confidence shrink, started changing myself to please him, I knew these feelings well.
I am a survivor of eleven years of domestic violence and while there was no physical abuse happening right now, the verbal abuse was certainly present most days.
Emotional abuse is harder to determine, he was very clever, he brushed everything off as a joke, I blamed myself if I could only do better, he always called me “sensitive”
It was only when my friends and family began questioning the things he said to me, often in front of them, that it really hit me.
I was the victim of narcissistic abuse.
I am diagnosed with Bipolar and PTSD and I was having a conversation with my own psychiatrist when I happened to reveal I was having relationship problems.
It was my own mental health professional who suggested I read up on Narcissism as he fitted the criteria.
What is a narcissist?
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder with a long-term pattern of abnormal behaviour characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. Those affected often spend a lot of time thinking about achieving power or success, or on their appearance. They often take advantage of the people around them. The behaviour typically begins in early adulthood and occurs across a variety of social situations.
Narcissists (NPD) usually display some or all of the following symptoms
The DSM-5 indicates that persons with NPD usually display some or all of the following symptoms, typically without the commensurate qualities or accomplishments:
- Grandiosity with expectations of superior treatment from other people
- Fixated on fantasies of power, success, intelligence, attractiveness, etc.
- Self-perception of being unique, superior, and associated with high-status people and institutions
- Needing continual admiration from others
- Sense of entitlement to special treatment and to obedience from others
- Exploitative of others to achieve personal gain
- Unwilling to empathize with the feelings, wishes, and needs of other people
- Intensely envious of others, and the belief that others are equally envious of them
- Pompous and arrogant demeanor
Being in love with a narcissist sucks big time
Learning about narcissism was a real
Although I admit, I knew he was a narcissist yet still, I went onto make excuses of why I should stay with him.
I could change him
He needed support
The truth was he had one reason to be with me, I supplied the fuel he needed to feel important.
He used my kind and caring nature for his own sick needs.
He didn’t love me, he loved what I did for him, how I made him the king of the castle, how I thought he was perfect and treated him like nobody else ever had.
How to get revenge on a narcissist
The no contact rule works very well when you’re trying to get over an ex, it also helps to get revenge on a narcissist, why?
Because being ignored and being made to feel unimportant feels like a slow and painful death
They despise being made to feel inferior.
No contact works and it makes a narcissist crumble, it drives them crazy.
Have you ever tried the no contact rule?
The no contact rule works for me, did it for you?