The sad truth is I am in love with a narcissist and although I have taken the brave step to leave the toxic relationship by going no contact, I still love him and my heart aches for him.
I miss the man who hurt and used me, crazy but true.
My hand reaches for my phone the moment I wake, without thinking I look at the screen, I feel it again, that empty sinking feeling,
I was good to him, cared for him, loved him, how can he just cast me aside as if the last year and a half meant to nothing to him?
And there is my answer because I didn’t mean anything
How can a man love you one day but then hate you the next, a man who loves you can’t but a narcissist can.
And I am in love with a narcissist
The roller coaster ride has come to the end of the track, I stopped the ride and got off and I do not want to stand in the queue and wait my turn, hoping that this time I would enjoy the ups and downs of the ride .
I don’t ever want to feel the speed in which a narcissist can make you feel on top of the world one moment to have him laugh as you come crashing down the other side with an almighty thud.
The thrill and excitement of the relationship soon vanished and in its place, fear and emptiness resided.
Our relationship took off at some speed, whisked away on holidays and snuggling up in the expensive hotel rooms, the gifts and the promises.
I was hypnotized by the man, watching myself climb higher and higher in love with him.
He broke down my defences and I let him into not only my bed but my heart and my children hearts.
He loved the kids like his own?
Strange as he hasn’t bothered to ask how they since I left him, I believe hes ghosting me.
The opposite of love isn’t hate; it is indifference.
Ghosting, for those of you who haven’t yet experienced it, is having someone that you believe cares about you, whether it be a friend or someone you are dating disappear from contact without any explanation at all. No phone call or email, not even a text. (psychology today)
Hes punishing me for ending our relationship.
I am stupidly in love with a narcissist and I didn’t want our relationship to end but it had too.
It was toxic and unhealthy, and I was unhappy.
I never stopped loving him yet he did nothing to save our relationship.
He didn’t put up a fight, he stood by and watched me walk out of his life
How do I feel now?
I feel used and disposable.
I’m sure I am
And its traumatic to learn the man you love with all your heart is a narcissist.
To know the relationship was a lie, he never loved me.
Betrayed and played like a fool .
No apology, no explanation, no begging for another chance.
Just gone from my life like that.
No doubt laid in the arms of his next victim.
And it fucking hurts.
Sorry kids I am in love with a narcissist and we didn’t mean anything to him.
I am not crazy or self-destructive to have fallen in love with this person, narcissists can be very charming indeed.
I am in love with a narcissist and
But I have no other choice.
I have to stay away from him or he will quickly suck me back into his web of lies.
Its been made crystal clear – he doesn’t love me and he doesn’t miss me, he never did and never will.
And I deserve better!